


Settling Up

by nagi_schwarz



Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-24
Updated: 2016-03-24
Packaged: 2018-05-28 18:05:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6339784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagi_schwarz/pseuds/nagi_schwarz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Follow-up to Beam Me Up, inspired by a question from a commenter on that story. How bets are settled in Atlantis if no one carries cash. Set post-series SGA.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Settling Up

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lyssabet](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lyssabet/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Beam Me Up](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6337981) by [nagi_schwarz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nagi_schwarz/pseuds/nagi_schwarz). 



Shen Xiaoyi led the Earth delegation onto Atlantis. The entire city had gone into lockdown as soon as the order could be given. Atlantis was in San Francisco Bay, hidden behind its shields, with the added protection of a Navy blockade to keep away curious onlookers. In the age of Youtube and smartphones, the city’s presence wouldn’t remain a secret for long, so the best thing the IOA and SGC and Homeworld Sec could do was get out in front of the forced declassification and make themselves look as good as possible. If they wanted to do that, they had to know what they were working with. On paper, the Atlantis Expedition was staffed with a mixture of the science world’s best and brightest and the military’s oddest and most dangerous. Rodney McKay was the smartest man in two galaxies and had the ego to match his intellect. John Sheppard was a loose cannon who might or might not have been responsible for waking the Wraith but had also been willing to sacrifice himself for Earth’s continued safety from said Wraith. Nancy Collins, John’s ex-wife and a high-ranking civilian official at the Pentagon, had been drafted by Homeworld Sec to lead the PR campaign. Xiaoyi doubted anyone had told her who she would find when she stepped into her first alien city and first alien spaceship.

General O’Neill and Dr. Jackson were, of course, among the delegation ‘from’ Earth, and they were right on Xiaoyi’s heels when the delegation was beamed down into Control.

John Sheppard and Rodney McKay flanked Richard Woolsey just beyond the gate, presenting a united front to greet them.

“Ms. Shen,” Woolsey said, “welcome back to Atlantis.”

“And welcome back to Earth.” Xiaoyi inclined her head respectfully. “Colonel Sheppard. Dr. McKay.”

Sheppard smiled, handsome and just skirting the edge of sarcastic. McKay pressed his lips into a thin line and said nothing.

“Where is everyone else?” O’Neill asked. “Didn’t break out the big show and red carpet, did you?”

“Apologies, sir,” Sheppard said. “Most of the expedition members are gathered in the mess hall. Major Lorne is leading a staff muster as we speak.”   


“Staff muster on Atlantis.” Jackson raised his eyebrows. “That’s bound to be a sight.”

“Major Lorne is an efficient officer,” Woolsey said. “He runs a tight ship, as it were.”

Nancy Collins stepped forward. “John.”

Sheppard raised his eyebrows. “Nancy.”

McKay raised his eyebrows, and his shoulders tightened. Woolsey looked clueless.

“When you said your work was classified, I didn’t think you meant -” Nancy gestured at the entirety of the gate room.

“Alien?” Sheppard shrugged. “You know me. I was always good at playing it close to the vest.”

“Yes, you were,” Nancy said with a wry twist to her mouth.

Before a family drama could ensue, one of the other IOA officials said, “Where is the mess hall? I’d like to see what we’ll be working with.”

“Certainly,” Woolsey said. “This way.”

Xiaoyi was glad she’d been in the transporters before, because she could see how baffled pretty much everyone else but O’Neill and Jackson looked when they stepped through a doorway that led into a tiny room and went seemingly nowhere, and then emerged from the tiny room somewhere completely different from where they started.

When they arrived in the mess hall, Xiaoyi was pleased. There were tables lined up, and expedition members were seated in neat rows. Judging by what faces she recognized, they were seated in alphabetical order while Major Lorne processed each of them. Drs. Zelenka and Kusanagi were hovering behind him, each armed with a calculator, and Major Teldy stood between them, arms cross over her chest, looking foreboding.

Amelia Banks was standing in front of Lorne, offering up a handful of slips of paper.

“I arranged them in numerical order,” she said.

Lorne smiled at her. “Excellent.”

Banks handed him the first one. “Incident 29.”

Lorne whistled. “You’ve been with the Expedition since the beginning, then?” He consulted his ledger. “Ah, yes. Whether Bates would throw up in Jumper Seven after the inertial dampener was disengaged. That’s five dollars.” He made a note in the ledger, set the slip of paper aside. Zelenka tapped something on his calculator.

Banks handed over the next slip. “Incident 131.”

“Ah, Incident 131. Yes. Zelenka’s eyebrows grew back eventually, though. Three dollars.” Lorne accepted the slip, made a mark in his ledger, and Zelenka, blushing, tapped at his calculator some more.

“Major,” O’Neill said.

Lorne was on his feet and at attention in an instant. “General O’Neill, sir.”

“At ease, Major. What’s going on here?” O’Neill raised his eyebrows.

Xiaoyi was impressed when Lorne didn’t even flinch. 

“Settling up the books, sir. No one on Atlantis carries cash, so we developed an IOU system. All wagers were reported to a central committee, and the bets placed and outcomes were recorded. We started issuing incident numbers to keep track of everything. Now that we’re back on Earth and anticipate needing cash at hand, we’ve started the settling up process.”

Jackson made a muffled sound that started out like laughter and ended in a cough and with O’Neill pounding his back to help him breathe.

“Who was on the central committee?” Xiaoyi asked.

“We made it as egalitarian as possible,” Lorne said. “Someone represented the hard sciences, the soft sciences, the international armed forces, the Air Force, the Marines, and the Pegasus Natives. Each of us named a subordinate on the occasions for when we were part of an incident. Of course, Sheppard, McKay, and other members of the Expedition of similar rank were exempt from serving on the committee, due to their incredibly heavy burdens.”

Nancy looked like she couldn’t decide whether to be horrified or impressed. Finally she said, “What was the highest-grossing incident?”

“Incident 1421,” Lorne said promptly, “which was -” He yelped suddenly, and Zelenka broke in.

“Which was whether the Asgard beam would integrate smoothly with the Master Life Signs Detector and successfully transport a human across Atlantis.”

Xiaoyi glanced over her shoulder and saw McKay making a throat-slitting gesture. Lorne looked confused. McKay nodded at Nancy. Lorne raised his eyebrows, comprehension dawning.

Zelenka cleared his throat. “Major, Technician Banks -”

“Of course,” Lorne said, blinking. “Pardon me, Ambassador Shen, General O’Neill, Dr. Jackson. We still have a lot of people to process before the day is out.”

“Carry on, Major.” O’Neill turned to Woolsey. “How are the weapons stores doing?”

Woolsey turned to Sheppard. “Colonel?”

Sheppard turned to Lorne. “Major?”

Lorne straightened up from where he was rubbing his ankle. “Lieutenant Vega is in charge of processing out any expedition-issued arms. Everyone will keep their standard sidearms, but anything issued by the expedition itself, such as Intars, Zats, and Wraith Stunners, are being checked back in as we speak. She’s starting from the bottom end of the alphabet so people aren’t waiting around for too long.”

Nancy looked impressed.

“Excellent. To the armory, then.” O’Neill gestured for Sheppard to lead the way, which he did with aplomb.

The Earth Delegation was pleased with what they found in Atlantis. Everyone there was the model of professionalism, even though many of them looked worn down around the edges. When this went to the media, the IOA would come away smelling like roses. Atlantis was one of the best-run, most efficient commands the American Armed Forces had ever produced. Add to that the level of unprecedented international cooperation, and Atlantis was looking like one of the greatest collaborative scientific, military, and political efforts in (Earth) human history.

But Xiaoyi had to know. So when everyone was gathered in the mess hall to listen to Nancy Collins give the first of many press briefings, how to behave on camera and answer questions and who to direct nosy reporters to, Xiaoyi lingered in the back. Sidled toward the table.

Flipped open Lorne’s ledger.

Incident 1421: Who tops - McKay or Sheppard?

**Author's Note:**

> I made up Nancy Sheppard's new married name because no one knows what it is.


End file.
